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By Michael Moore, Moore’s Law, Milwaukee

Dec. 2, 2009 – The warm lights of the restaurant beckon to me, offering refuge from the evening’s brisk chill. The local bar association’s holiday party is in full swing and a steady stream of potential clients heads through the doors. Ah, ‘tis the season, and my calendar overflows with opportunity. I want to rejoice but am mindful of the less fortunate, those whose lack of social competence means they get little from these gatherings of potential clients, missing a prime opportunity to grow their business.

What is social competence?

Effective lawyers have a high degree of social competence. They have developed the skills to confidently engage in group social activities while looking to achieve defined objectives. This is a critical skill for creating a network of sustained relationships. These relationships are the cornerstone to building a productive network. As I approached the holiday party, I knew certain people I wanted to meet would be inside. I was prepared and confident.

How to work a room

The value of learning how to “work a room” begins with understanding the fundamental difference between business networking and having fun. My activities at the bar association party are considerably different from my activities at a neighbor’s party. This distinction is especially important to avoid the “delusion of activity,” a common misconception that simply attending as many events as possible will create success. Business networking is a focused activity that requires an effective strategy to produce results.

Do your homework. You will want to know who is hosting the event and why are they having it. This will give you an idea of who else may be attending and help determine your objectives. In other words, why are you going? You may have an interest in supporting an organization’s activities or in the topic discussed during the event’s program. Contrast this with going to an event primarily to meet a specific person. While the former activity may or may not help your network development, the latter is specifically intended to do so. My goal attending the bar association’s holiday party is to meet specific lawyers who I knew were likely to be there but with whom I had no prior contact. For lawyers I already know but want to make sure I connect with at the holiday party, I will send a quick email or make a phone call confirming their attendance in advance of the event. This preparation sets the stage for a successful networking event.

Energy, effort, enthusiasm are required. Effective networking at social activities doesn’t happen by chance. Plan your time so you can arrive early and stay late. Just before entering the event, take a deep breath and put on your happy face. Raise your personal energy level. Meet the host, and offer to help set up or facilitate event activities. Approach and welcome anyone who appears alone or uncertain. Introduce people to each other, and try to be a conversation starter. However, remember your personal goal is to mingle and have multiple conversations. Getting food, a drink, or helping with activities can be an effective method to enter and exit groups of people and conversations.

The personal touch. Most of us are comfortable being part of a large crowd, yet it’s the one-on-one conversation that is challenging for many people. However, direct personal interaction creates the relationships we need for effective networking. While many of these skills may be common sense, without focus and practice, they can be overwhelmed by our human instincts of caution, hesitancy, and insecurity.

Take baby steps. When approaching someone, always look them in the eye. Smile when you say hello. Introduce yourself, and extend your hand. Be sure to make full contact and squeeze firmly but not overly tight or long. Concentrate on them. Do not look over their shoulder while they are talking, searching the crowd for another contact. Ask them for a business card. Your goal is to never leave a conversation without one, and the ask usually leads to a mutual exchange. Never offer your card first. Acquiring their card will not only help you remember their name, but give you their contact information for later follow up.

Conversation starters. Dale Carnegie once said, “People’s favorite subject is themselves.” When meeting people, ask about them. What do they do? Where do they work? Why are they attending? Listen for common interests from which you can create conversation. Be sure you know current events, especially when attending events outside your home city. You should know the top three local news or sports stories, and the weather forecast. Humor can be very tricky and is best left to comedians. However, laughing at someone else’s joke creates instant friendship, especially if something funny happens and you are both sharing the moment. If there is an activity associated with the event, you should have a basic understanding of the subject matter. Never criticize the event, the food, or the location. You can’t be sure who may be listening or who may be connected to whom.

Create relationships

Your goal is to make friends, not contacts. Choose your networking events accordingly so you will enjoy going to them. You are much more likely to meet people with common interests and create effective relationships. Be a facilitator. Help people get drinks, food, check their coats, or otherwise get involved with the event. Always be polite to everyone, including staff and remember to say “please” and “thank you.” Simple etiquette will distinguish you. Be sure to locate the host or organizers of the event, and always thank them before leaving.

Personally, the bar association’s holiday party was a success. I made a point to congratulate the planning committee chair as we headed out the door. Snow was lightly falling, the Christmas tree in the square was lit up and my pocket was full of the business cards of new opportunities.

Michael Moore, Lewis and Clark 1983, is a professional coach for lawyers and the founder of Moore’s Law, Milwaukee. He specializes in marketing, client development, and leadership coaching for attorneys at all levels of experience. Moore also advises law firms on strategic planning and resource optimization. He has more than 25 years’ experience in private practice, as a general counsel, in law firm management, and in legal recruiting. For more information, visit www.moores-law.com.

• Related: Lawyer resources in a down economy (WisBar.org)

• Previous articles: In transition? Don’t let it bring you down; Effective networking and the lesson of the pot belly stove; Social networking means 33 million for lunch; The elevator speech: Who are you and why should I care?; How do you get more clients? Use the narrow focused request; New age lawyers: ‘We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto’; and Aligning your stars: The challenge of staff retention